i used to have a necklace of Rastafari, and i spent the night on my grandmothers bed, and when i woke up it complete broke with the beads just everywhere and a complete mess! And my grandma, sorry to say is just in a complete mess, they say she has alzheimers and she just keeps talking just off the wall and wont listen and just has no peace within her, u cant even communicate with her, and again when i was with my father, aunt and grandma, i had a meditation of King Selassie and they all just looked displeased and somewhat irritated and looked at me, then i changed to a iditation of jesus christ and then it was as if everything was restored. And i'm trying to stay out of my head because i constantly think things that arent true, just living in illusion, and i keep hearing voices, they got a whole lot better than 2007 but they still bother me. And my senses are just incredible i can feel so much stuff, like bad heat from people or spirits, thats why i like to stay in the comfort of my own home, its very blessed for me. I pray my prayers, read bible, listen to mezmur or reggae or anything soulful or inspiring, watch t.v. Like James said keep oneself unspotted from the world, its just a big battle already within me and just to face the streets is just another huge battle. I have no clue how i can work if i'm still fearful and just unstable mind and constantly fighting demons through through Christ my Lord. My dad called this newly ordained Tewahedo priest from our country Eritrea who grew up in Addis Ababa and my dad said from now on you go to the priest for advice and confession, and my dad said i'm better than he is spiritually. Basically he was saying he has to carry a heavy load dealing with his mother who has alzhemiers and just dealing with the divorce with my mother and even worse my mom took my sister and moved to a totally different state, so my dad cant see his baby girl really.
but the positive thing is me and my father went to this church gathering friday evening where we read Agpeya Creed, sang mezmur and prayed with the Eritrean youths, and just socializing talking about God and about things back in Abbyssinia. the Priest who runs the church is the same my dad wants me to be close to and i knew him since i was a kid, discplining me when i was misbehaving as a kid and he's just very educated. He said he's willing to teach i to read and write Tigrigna, Amharic & Ge'ez. So i guess things are looking better as i'm closing an old chapter and opening anew. I'm kind of happy i got friday bible study and gathering at the church with my habeshan people preparing i for the sabbath saturday, and soon they will have service on sunday twice a month, just once a month for now. The service is done in english and ge'ez. My father even told me he saw a Rastafarian attend not too long ago. And i got this incredible love for wombman and i want to have a very special one, but my mind is not 100% stable. I think too much unnessessary things or i could say evil a bit, but its not from my heart just mind. love is patient and i always pray to God to send me a special one in his time. saturday night I and I father talked for over 4 hours straight asking him how life was in eritrea & ethiopia, and telling me how i was as a child and just talking about problems and try to solve them. it was a heart to heart and i barely spoke a word just listened, and some questions. And i keep hearing voices from people telling I to work but it seems nothing is available. I think the Ethiopian runner who won the race on sunday explained it best, putting up a fighting pose stance posing for the cameras and flexing his muscles showing you got to be strong in this time.