rephrased:
so who would you prefer to spend time with: your ex (who is a patient) or your new beau (who just gave birth to a baby (not yours))
So... I don't want to be painfully honest but either subconsciously or consciously you're asking the question because you need the real answer.
The real answer comes after removing the parts that are irrelevant. And I don't mean they are irrelevant to you. I mean they are irrelevant to the person you're asking the question to.
Who would you prefer to spend time with? Your ex? Or your new love?
Answer: my new love.
if you fall in love with a woman who is currently pregnant that is irrelevant to the love you have for her. Society often paints this picture of a woman as though she is tarnished because she's not a virgin when society does NOT suggest the same thing to a man. I have been married numerous times and every single time the woman has had at least one prior child. And so what they are not biological children? People foster and adopt children all the time. Your wife isn't your family by blood. She is your family by choice. You choose her. She becomes yours and you become hers. So when I accept a woman's child into my life and my house, they become my child too, whether it is temporary or permanent.
My first marriage was brief and she moved away. In that case, it was better for the child to bond with a new man. But in my second marriage, she had a daughter and I had 2 more daughters with her. So not only are they sisters but they stayed in the area and I see them all usually every weekend. And I still consider her daughter as one of mine. I was also married to a woman after that with 2 sets of twins. I had no children with her. I don't see them often but they still come over sometimes and they still call me dad. That's their choice. But I remain as someone they can talk to or run to if they need it until someone else comes along to fill that spot. Why? Because that's what's in the best interest of those kids. My current wife has 2 adult sons. They're grown. I treat them with respect as men. I accept however they choose to see me and treat me.
So for me...
When it comes to relationships... it's not really that complicated. You have whatever relationship you have with your wife or girlfriend, separate from the relationship you have with the children involved. And you accept them as a package. You cannot accept just the mother and forget the child who needs a father. You cannot do that and claim to be a good man. So if your ex is a good man he will love and embrace and be a father to his woman's child. And since it's going to be a baby it will probably be seen more as his own. You should accept this as a strong possibility now. Trust me. It will be better for you in the long run. He will care about that baby and love that baby. He should. And he will because of his proximity and involvement in that child's life.
As painful as it is, if you have children together then they have to be your priority. Part of you is going to want to keep thinking about him; about what he's feeling, what he's doing, how deep he's involved with this other person, if he still has feelings for you, if he's happy with her, etc. Part of you is going to want to compare yourself to her and see yourself as better for him than she is. You need to understand this is natural but it is unhealthy for you to dwell too long in 'this place'. You have to keep going, keep moving, keep living, both for your own sake and that of your family.
This kind of trauma is likely the reason why divorce was so frowned upon in the bible. As it should be. At the same time, it can be far more traumatic to stay in a relationship that is either unhealthy or unhappy. And often times we just have to accept that we are more compatible with someone as friends and compatibility can change as people grow. People can grow apart.
I know it is difficult but please try taking some time for yourself. Take some time to invest in yourself, question what makes you happy, learn new things, get out in nature and explore, find new hobbies and interests, and rediscover life being single and loving yourself. I promise you this is the best remedy and when you are happy within yourself you will start sending out a signal when you are ready to attract a new man. And that new man will love your energy and vibe. And at that point, you have to talk and see if you are truly compatible so that you know you are right for each other instead of one person being right for the other. It has to be mutual. And he won't be perfect. None of us are. But you will determine if you can live with his imperfections or not. And if you have children? Then you also have to judge him according to how much he can accept your children as a package and not reject them just because they are biologically someone else's.
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