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Help I by proofreading and offering constructive comments on a letter

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Time Zone: EST (New York, Toronto)
Messenger: Nazarite_I Sent: 9/30/2011 6:33:46 PM
Reply

I need input on a letter that is soon to be sent around the UK to various RastafarI people. The letter was drafted by Iself and the Empress I work with in the gardens at Fairfield House and I and I would like some input from various RastafarI people before it is sent so that I and I can perhaps improve it. The importance of the letter will be self explanitory...





ďDuring the years 1936-41 of exile from His beloved country Ethiopia occupied by forces of aggression His Imperial Majesty Haile Selassie I Emperor of Ethiopia resided in Bath in this villa. In memory of His residence and in appreciation of the warm and courteous hospitality of the people of Bath His Imperial Majesty has donated Fairfield Villa to the cooperation of Bath to serve as a home for the aged. May 1958.Ē
Plaque placed on the wall of Fairfield Villa in English and Amharic.

Greetings to all Ones receiving this letter.

I am writing to appeal on behalf of Fairfield House in Bath for assistance in keeping the service run through the house open as usual. Since His Majesty Haile Selassie I, gifted the house to the city of Bath, it has served the elderly people of the city first as a residential home and then as a day facility for the elderly as His Majesty intended. The house is currently run and cared for by a small staff of volunteers and caters mainly to the elderly Indian, Chinese and Afro-Caribbean community, providing advice, services, food and a club operating three days a week. Furthermore, the house calls people from all around the world due to its significance as a monument to world history.

However it is very likely that in the next two years, the local council will try once again to sell the house for a profit, dismantling the valuable service it provides to the community. Staff have been told that the service has two years grace, and people moving into the newly rented-out caretakers cottage (that has always been considered to be paired with the villa) have been told that the club ďwill not be there for longĒ. Attempts to sell the property in the past have been successfully opposed with great assistance from the RastafarI community on the grounds that His Majesty gifted the house specifically for the service of the elderly, but the council have stated to the houses administrator that they no longer care about this. While it hasnít quite got to the point where I and I have to appeal to the council once again, the situation is certainly getting dire.

Despite this there is an attempt underway to prove that the house and the service it provides are valuable and viable. If this alone doesnít convince the council to reconsider, it will certainly make arguing the case for the service and the house as a whole remaining open much easier when the time comes. At this time, the only project being undertaken is to improve the grounds around the house with a garden dedicated to Haile Selassie I and the elderly people of the house in order to provide an outdoor space for the houseís patrons and visiting RastafarI people to use, and to show on days that the house is closed that the space is still used. However, with only Iself and one other working regularly in the garden and the staff in the house occupied with running the regular services, there is much work that still needs to be done. The house is in a poor state of repair, with several rooms needing repainting and redecorating and there is a neglected vegetable patch that is currently only seeing minimal use because of the lack of manpower and material in the garden. Though those two are the most immediate concerns, there are many other things that could be done to improve the house.

What I ask is that if any Ones have the time and skills or even just some spare equipment or materials they donít mind donating, come and look at the house and give what they can to keep the house serving the purpose that His Majesty intended. Whatever Ones decide to do though, please spread the word, because if nothing is heard about the situation, I and I donít want to be the first Ones to say that all is lost.


Blessed love and thanks for any assistance with this.


Messenger: Ark I Sent: 10/1/2011 10:58:34 PM
Reply

----
Since His Majesty Haile Selassie I, gifted the house

-Don't need comma

----
gifted the house to the city of Bath, it has served the elderly people of the city first as a residential home and then as a day facility for the elderly as His Majesty intended

- the city of Bath, it has served the elderly people of the city, first as a residential
OR
- the city of Bath; it has served the elderly people of the city, first as a residential

----
but the council have stated to the houses administrator that they no longer care about this

- Maybe should be council has, instead of have. I am not 100% sure, but the reason I say that is because council can be considered as a singular entity(even though it has multiple members), so it would be has instead of have, but if you said for example the "people of the council" it would definitely be have, because people is plural.

----
While it hasnít quite got to the point where I and I have to appeal to the council once again, the situation is certainly getting dire.

-"once again" is not really necessary for this sentence and doesn't seem to flow well with the sentence

----
Despite this there is an attempt

-Despite this, there is an attempt

----
underway to prove that the house and the service it provides are valuable and viable

- either make it services (plural), or say "is valuable and viable"


----
If this alone doesnít convince the council to reconsider, it will certainly make arguing the case for the service and the house as a whole remaining open much easier when the time comes.

- If this alone doesnít convince the council to reconsider, it will certainly make arguing the case for preserving the service and the house as a whole much easier when the time comes.
-could use other word instead of preserving, the point is more about the structure of the sentence.



----
At this time, the only project being undertaken is to improve the grounds around the house with a garden dedicated to Haile Selassie I and the elderly people of the house in order to provide an outdoor space for the houseís patrons and visiting RastafarI people to use, and to show on days that the house is closed that the space is still used.

-Long sentence

-At this time, the only project being undertaken is to improve the grounds around the house with a garden dedicated to Haile Selassie I and the elderly people of the house. The purpose is to provide an outdoor space for the houseís patrons and visiting RastafarI people to use, and to show that the space is still used on days that the house is closed.

----
However, with only Iself and one other working regularly in the garden and the staff in the house occupied with running the regular services, there is much work that still needs to be done.

-However, with only Iself and one other working regularly in the garden, along with the staff of the house who are also occupied with running the regular services, there is much work remaining.


----
The house is in a poor state of repair, with several rooms needing repainting and redecorating and there is a neglected vegetable patch that is currently only seeing minimal use because of the lack of manpower and material in the garden. Though those two are the most immediate concerns, there are many other things that could be done to improve the house.

-The house is in a poor state of repair, with several rooms that need repainting and redecorating. There is a neglected vegetable patch that is currently seeing only minimal use because of the lack of manpower and material in the garden. Those two issues are the most immediate concerns, but there are many other things that could be done to improve the house in order to eliminate some of the arguments that the council might make against its current use and function.


----
What I ask is that if any Ones have the time and skills or even just some spare equipment or materials they donít mind donating, come and look at the house and give what they can to keep the house serving the purpose that His Majesty intended. Whatever Ones decide to do though, please spread the word, because if nothing is heard about the situation, I and I donít want to be the first Ones to say that all is lost.


-What I am asking is for Ones and Ones who have the time and skills or even some spare equipment or materials they donít mind donating, to come and...

-Whatever Ones and Ones are able to do will be appreciaLoved, and please make sure to spread the word. If Ones and Ones don't hear about the situation before the final decision is made by the council, they will not be able to help prevent that decision from being the wrong one. I and I donít want the day to come where I and I have to say that all is lost.





Messenger: Ark I Sent: 10/1/2011 11:09:24 PM
Reply

Nazarite I,

Can the I click the email link at the bottom of the page. I want to Reason with the I about this.




Messenger: Nazarite_I Sent: 10/2/2011 4:31:52 AM
Reply

Give thanks for the assistance Ark I.

I will email the I after I get back from work.

Blessed love.


Messenger: bredren aaron Sent: 10/2/2011 8:24:27 AM
Reply

Greetings, has the I also thought about checking with the Historical Society in Bath? Usually when someone as significant as Selassie I has resided at a villa ( as he did in those times) then the society can help claim it as a Historical landmark. In doing so they should be able to work with the I on getting the improvements done and to possibly keep the government from trying to sell the house. You can also set up a pay-pal account for donations so that Rasta from abroad can help the I in fixing up the house. It seems Ark I has you set on the proofreading and these were a couple of suggestions I thought of after reading your letter.

Jah Bless you on the work that your doing.
Bredren Aaron


Messenger: Nazarite_I Sent: 10/2/2011 11:04:18 AM
Reply

I will check out whether there is a historical society separate from the council in Bath. I know for a fact that there is a historical society. The city is a world heritage site after all, I just have a terrible feeling that it is run and administered by the same council that is trying to sell the house in the first place.

I will have to talk to the administrator of the house when she returns from Jamaica next week about monetary donations. There is a budget set aside to get work done, but I've been avoiding dipping into it as much as humanly possible, because there isn't much of it to go around.

Give thanks for the suggestions.

Blessed love.


Messenger: Nazarite_I Sent: 10/2/2011 11:22:02 AM
Reply

And Ark I, I tried to use the email link at the bottom of the page but it came up with an error message.

Any time the I wants to Reason, I email adress is chris_leigh@live.co.uk

Blessed love.


Messenger: Eleazar Sent: 10/2/2011 9:32:42 PM
Reply

Nazarite I,

I Give Thanks for the I's Work in preserving the Fairfield House. I'll read over the letter and see if there is something I could think of to help the I.


Messenger: Nazarite_I Sent: 10/3/2011 6:34:43 AM
Reply

I've made some changes to it based on the suggestions made by Ark I so keep that in mind Eleazar. I'll get the updated one up later.

Blessed love.


Messenger: Nazarite_I Sent: 10/3/2011 4:12:10 PM
Reply

This is the redrafted version, including most of Ark I's suggestions and the address and details of the house. A few copies have already been sent out but I still haven't sent it to I contacts in the Nyahbinghi National Council, so if there is anything that Ones and Ones think needs adding or changing, there is still time.



ďDuring the years 1936-41 of exile from His beloved country Ethiopia occupied by forces of aggression His Imperial Majesty Haile Selassie I Emperor of Ethiopia resided in Bath in this villa. In memory of His residence and in appreciation of the warm and courteous hospitality of the people of Bath His Imperial Majesty has donated Fairfield Villa to the cooperation of Bath to serve as a home for the aged. May 1958.Ē
Plaque placed on the wall of Fairfield Villa in English and Amharic.

Greetings to all Ones receiving this letter.

I am writing to appeal on behalf of Fairfield House in Bath for assistance in keeping the service run through the house open as usual. Since His Majesty Haile Selassie I gifted the house to the city of Bath; it has served the elderly people of the city, first as a residential home and then as a day facility for the elderly as His Majesty intended. The house is currently run and cared for by a small staff of volunteers and caters mainly to the elderly Indian, Chinese and Afro-Caribbean community, providing advice, services, food and a social club operating three days a week. Furthermore, the house calls people from all around the world due to its significance as a monument to world history.

However it is very likely that in the next two years, the local council will try once again to sell the house for a profit, dismantling the valuable service it provides to the community. Staff have been told that the service has two years grace, and people moving into the newly rented-out caretakers cottage (that has always been considered to be paired with the villa) have been told that the club ďwill not be there for longĒ. Attempts to sell the property in the past have been successfully opposed with great assistance from the RastafarI community on the grounds that His Majesty gifted the house specifically for the service of the elderly, but the council has stated to the houses administrator that they no longer care about this. While it hasnít quite got to the point where I and I have to appeal to the council again, the situation is certainly getting dire.

Despite this, there is an attempt underway to prove that the house and the services it provides are valuable and viable. If this alone doesnít convince the council to reconsider, it will certainly make arguing the case for preserving the service and the house as a whole much easier when the time comes. At this time, the only project being undertaken is to improve the grounds around the house with a garden dedicated to Haile Selassie I and the elderly people of the house. The purpose of this is to provide an outdoor space for the houseís patrons and visiting RastafarI people to use, and to show that the space is still used on days that the house is closed. However, with only Iself and one other working regularly in the garden, along with the staff of the house who are also occupied with running the regular services, there is much work remaining. The house is in a poor state of repair, with several rooms that need repainting and redecorating. There is a neglected vegetable patch that is currently seeing only minimal use because of the lack of manpower and material in the garden. Those two issues are the most immediate concerns, but there are many other things that could be done to improve the house and eliminate some of the arguments that the council might make against its current use and function.

What I am asking is for Ones and Ones who have the time and skills or even some spare equipment or materials they donít mind donating, to come and look at the house and give what they can to keep the house serving the purpose that His Majesty intended. Whatever Ones and Ones are able to do will be appreciaLoved, and please make sure to spread the word. If Ones and Ones don't hear about the situation before the final decision is made by the council, they will not be able to help prevent that decision from being the wrong one. I and I donít want the day to come where I and I have to say that all is lost.

The house is located at 2 Kelston Road, Bath, Avon, BA1 3QJ. It is open on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays with road access through Partis Way and Empress Menen Gardens or by foot through a small wooden gate in the wall of Kelston Road marked ĎRí.

Blessed love.



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