Idren, that's sounding all too familar. I'll share I thoughts and experience with the I, but I'd like to hear what the I's Elders advised the I as well Idren, unless the I meant I and I, in which case that's fine, but go Reason with the Elders at the tabernacle where the I keeps Binghi as well.
Honestly Idren, it sounds like the I was rushing still. Not to say that the I has done anything inherently wrong, but when I advised the I to be patient and keep the I's love on a brotherly level for now, I meant longer than a few weeks. It is a different situation between the wombman I love and I, because she is a RastafarI Sister and because I and I can Reason openly about these things I probably haven't been led on to the level that maybe the I has, but I am still waiting as patiently as possible to see what will develop between I and I, and it's been months and months now with no clear end in sight. I was holding a Reasoning with the Sister the other day, and she pointed out to I that any true bonding relationship (man and wife) must be established by both partners from a conscious spiritual level first before it becomes a physical (sexual) relationship. The Sister related it to the 7 seals/chakras in I and Iselves that must align in this order for that relationship to flourish between anyone:
the 1st is the union of the crown chakra, I understand (one mind)
2nd is the union of the third eye, I see, (one vision)
the 3rd is union of the speech, I speak (one voice)
4th is the union of the heart, I love (one love)
5th is union of the solar plexus, I do (one mission)
the 6th is the union of the base chakra, I feel (one body, soul bond)
the 7th is the union of the root chakra, the I AM (one being)
I am not saying at all that the I cannot establish this kind of relationship with this young Sister in time, but overstand that since the I has asked the Most High for that to forward, the I will have to purify and perfect the Iself to HIS standards if that is ever to happen. He won't make it easy (nothing worth doing ever is), but the tests along the way, this broken heart included, are only intended to purify the I's intentions, teach the I necessary lessons and build the I up stronger as a Man. Obviously the Sister is not looking to establish that Crown Head connection with the I at this time, but that isn't to say that it won't happen in the future, so if the I truly does love this Sister to those levels, love and support her in whatever righteous ways the I can unconditionally as a brother and friend.
So what if she loves a next man right now? Does that mean she doesn't have love in her heart for the I? Not at all. Does that mean the I should dash away the love the I holds for her? Fire burn that selfish ego folly! If anything, the I should just not watch the next man and let him be what he will be to her with respect for the position she is in. I can sight that the I did this to an extent already in asking her to clarify, even if it was not in the I's favour, but obviously the I was not prepared in the Iself for the outcome the I received.
Rejection hurts, and loneliness is a terrible burden to bear, but the I is hardly alone in it Idren. Real-eyes that spite and grudgefullness have no place in the I, no matter how much they assault the I's mind. If the I is really determined to have any kind of relationship with this Sister, the I must maintain that unconditional love through everything (within sense) and work to uplift and build her as a woman without regard for the Iself, because it's not like if she did come to the I as a wife, everything would immediately become perfect and blissful. That would just be the start of a whole next journey with its own tribulations, tests and lessons. In the meantime, make the effort to see the I's loneliness, not in isolation, but as an expression of the longing of all Men to cherish and nurture a Woman and return to the source of their creation to bring new life forward for generations to come.
I know the I likes a bit flowetry still, so I'll share two things I wrote out of the exact same place as the I is in now. The second is actually a 'sequel' to the first, written after much hard learning and reflection on the state I was in when I wrote the first:
Sometimes I feel sad when everything's fine
Like I'm hollowed out and can't speak, just whine
I'm not sick, I don't catch disease or eat swine
But I feel off balance, like I'm down and drinking wine
Yet I don't drink, or even eat from the vine
So I take some time to speak and listen to the divine
And pray; Iyah Most High send Iman a sign
Help I bring my heart, mind and spirit into line
Direct this loving force that is rising up I spine
That I can't redirect, neglect or confine
It lets I know that I body is a shrine
And that its looking for another to entwine
If it's just One then let I wait without decline
For that love way higher than wine and dine
Whatever happens, let I always rise and shine
Selassie's soldier still, and I never will resign
Jah guide I through the long nights of pining
Keep I lips from cursing and whining
Let I eyes be ever shining
Give thanks I'm not stuck declining
Still not into girls thats winding
Just a good wife, that's what I'm finding
A bond thats really sacred and binding
To bring new life with I and I combining
And while I wait I'm still refining
I true self I Am not confining
Strictly Righteousness I'm defining
A true and just world I'm designing
Seeing every cloud with silver lining
Through the first eye I'm still divining
And on strictly Ital food I'm dining
Haile I's soldier and still not resigning
More health and strength.
Blessed heart of love
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