More love, life and guidance Idren
I pray the I can benefit from I sharing some knowledge learned the hard way recently on I trod, but to start with let I share a piece of flowetry I wrote this morning about the situation I find Iself in with I Livity, and from there I can explain what I mean and the I can draw what lessons the I will, and please keep in mind that I am still working it out too:
Sometimes I feel sad when everything's fine
Like I'm hollowed out and can't speak, just whine
I'm not sick, I don't catch disease or eat swine
But I feel off balance, like I'm down and drinking wine
Yet I don't drink, or even eat from the vine
So I take some time to speak and listen to the divine
And pray; Iyah Most High send Iman a sign
Help me bring my heart, mind and spirit into line
Direct this loving force that is rising up my spine
That I can't redirect, neglect or confine
It lets me know that my body is a shrine
And that it's looking for another to entwine
And if it's just One then let I wait without decline
For that love way higher than wine and dine
Whatever happens, let I always rise and shine
Selassie's soldier still, and I never will resign
What that stems from is a situation recently where I thought I had found I Empress and the seriously confusing situation that has created in I now its clear that the Empress doesn't see I as her Kingman. The whole situation started during a time when I had two visions of what I know to be I yet unborn children, a daughter and a son, grown to adolescence. It brought fully to I mind and attention that I wasn't putting any thought at all into the most solid foundation other than Iyah HIMself, which is the family, and it didn't help that I'd been moving closely with a heartical Empress, who makes I feel loved and balanced and who's nose I'm still not convinced I daughter didn't have in I vision. That woke up some serious feelings in I towards this Empress, and taught I many different lessons about the mysteries surrounding the highest act in creation that I and I can achieve, which is the creation and continuation of life through the union of man and wombman. What I have envisioned with this Empress is not lustful, sinful or base in any way, even though it is intensely intimate and sexual at times, as I expressed in the flowetry there; it is loving, spiritual, even divine, and the intention is pure.
I give thanks for every blessing knowing that love has brought I, but as I mentioned already, it hasn't really been returned in the way I was either expecting or honestly longing for. I am still blessed to have such a good relationship with this Empress that there is nothing I feel for her I can't express if only I can find the words, but that is the real problem from I perspective; what I am longing to express to her is not something that lends itself to words, and even though she is more than willing to help I through whatever tribulation, the frustration of that feeling tore I up inside. I'm not joking when I say it feels like it hollowed I out, and because the news coincided with I breaking I leg, I had nowhere to run from it and I spent days and days trying to deal with it in Iself, trying sometimes to distract Iself and often slipping out of the balance I'd known back into some depths of lustfulness until I managed to get back on top of Iself and recover I Irits to address the situation and recover from I injury. Through Reasoning with the Empress and living life still I've come to a better overstanding of it, but I won't lie, its a significant obstacle in I way at the moment. Every time I try (and I have tried) to shift the focus away from this Empress who balances I so well and onto other women, I mind and body slip out of balance with I Irits and I fall down spiritually speaking. On the other hand, when I focus on the Empress, I get that hollowed out feeling from knowing that I love for her can't express in the fullest beauty that I soul can envision, and the affect it has on I mind and body is draining to say the least and I feel tired and sluggish and beat up, like I just got jumped almost. Its not a productive state to be in, but give thanks that through the powers of the Most High Jah RastafarI, He still blesses I with enough strength to do His works.
The lesson I'm trying to show the I with this is just that the I can't make the mistake of thinking that this feeling within the I is sinful when rightfully directed and balanced with the right Empress, because its natural for a man and woman of right to seek their balance but by all means, don't joke around with it or take it for fun. Clean out any false con-ceptions the I holds about it and remember to be very sure who the I offers that love to. I'm not saying I offered it to the wrong person still, but I don't wish I situation on the I. Be patient and Righteous and keep the I's Iditiation focused on that divine balance known by Haile I and Empress Menen I and know that each man bears his fruits in due season, so don't bother rushing and getting the Iself twisted up like I think I did.
Blessed love
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